This Forsaken Life
by Zapphi
Summary: So I died. I expected a nice, relaxing afterlife where I could do whatever I want. What I didn't expect was to be born in the anime where everyone dies. It just had to happen to me, didn't it. Great. (SI OC, gen fic. Ratings may change)
1. Prologue - Rebirth

**Warnings: Swearing, death, OCs**

**Beta needed.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my own characters.**

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><p>"Mom?" I hesitantly asked, barely awake after staying up late watching Attack on Titan. No answer. Sighing, I deduced that she had already left for work. Oh well, it's not like I'm unused to it. She had always left early for work. I had just hoped she would stay for my birthday.<p>

My dad wasn't home. He never came home, after he cheated on mom and broke the promise he made to never leave me after I got terrified when I heard an argument between him and mom.

Glancing at the time, I realized that I was going to be late and swore, getting up from my chair (and tripping over nothing) before grabbing my bag and started to run to school, cursing my bad endurance all the way.

And so I ran, wind lightly blowing through my short, dark messy-as-hell hair, half of my glasses remaining my face, my short stature weighed down by the combined weight of my textbooks and binders.

Of course, being the clumsy idiot that I was, I tripped while crossing the street. Getting up, my knees bleeding slightly and my palms scraped, I could barely turn around before a speeding car slammed into my body, sending it flying. I could barely see the world spinning around me, blinded by pain. The only thing I could think was that _I didn't get to say goodbye_ before the darkness took me, relieving me of that overwhelming pain.

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><p>I woke up, and made a choked sound when I realized that I wasn't breathing, that I couldn't breath, and was quite literally in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by nothing, just floating in an endless, colorless void that sucked out all warmth and light. What the hell? Where was I?<p>

Before I could ponder it, I suddenly felt like I was being sucked into a vacuum cleaner, and was stunned, ice dripping into my lungs gripping me in its cold clutches and sinking into my bones. It was so _coldcoldcoldohmygodwhywasitsocold_. I wanted to scream and shout for help, to do something, anything, and I tried, but nothing happened. I couldn't do anything. What?

A wail pierced the icy air, and all I wanted to do was shut that baby up because _where am I didn't I die what is going on please_—

No. Oh hell no.

There's no way, no f-ing way, yet when I actually payed attention, to my growing horror, that wailing sound came straight from my position. From me. That's impossible! I was a slightly grown, proud thirteen year old, not a whining newborn! I didn't even know what they looked like!

_But I died, didn't I_. And while I didn't believe in it, I knew that I had reincarnated. Crap.

Opening my eyes, I panicked, because not even my vision was that bad without glasses. The only thing I could see a bunch of extremely blurry giants, their hands reaching out to grab me, and wailed even louder, before someone stuck something in my mouth. _Nope. I refuse to suck on this_, I thought. It was then that I learned that I wasn't in full control of this—my—body as it shut up and started to suck to bottle (at least I assumed it was a bottle), and lost the battle to stay awake, drifting into blissful unconsciousness.

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><p><strong>Hello and welcome to my humble corner of Fanficton! This is my first story, so please give me a lot of constructive criticism so I can improve quicker! Sorry about the short chapter, but I don't intend to make to rest of the chapters this short :)<strong>

**I also apologize about whatever spelling and grammar mistakes I made. I just turned fourteen, so I'm not the best writer...**


	2. Prologue - Orphans

**Warnings: Uh . . . A very small amount of abuse and light swearing?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

**Beta needed.**

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><p>.<p>

**Chapter II**

**Prologue - Orphans**

.

Leo was numb.

He remembered his complete and utter joy when he saw his—_his_—sister being born. Everything in life had seemed perfect and complete. Leo would return home with mom and daily life would continue on as it had with a new addition.

But then there was so much blood (just like _him_). And then she died (and left him all alone, just like _his dad_). His mom, his only parent left, had _died_.

And then it hit him; Leo was all alone in this world. A sob escaped his lips despite his wishes to keep it in. Huh. When rain start falling down his face? His stomach grumbled, aching for food. He didn't care. After all, he was alone, and there was no one left for him.

No... no, there was still someone. He glanced at the newborn, the small, wrinkly mess that had cost mom's life to make. _Anima_, he remembered, _mom and dad had decided to call it Anima_. And while it wasn't much, Leo would die before he let anyone hurt it.

The baby started wailing, its face scrunched up, tears streaming down. The kind lady who had help mother give birth stuck a bottle full of milk in its mouth, sighing when it fell silent. She was pretty, with long curly brown hair and blue eyes with tan skin. She kind of reminded Leo of mom, but he did not know how.

"I'm sorry for your loss," she whispered, eyes closed in thought. What was her name again? The six year old thought hard, but came up with nothing. Oh well.

"Can I hold it?" He asked tentatively.

"Her," the lady absently corrected. Leo took the black-haired newborn from her arms and gasped. It—She was so... _fragile._

Leo felt a flicker of warmth from his cold, numb chest.

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><p>The next few days were hectic for Leo, and before he knew it he found himself in an unfamiliar building, Anima in arms. <em>Didn't the kind lady call in an orphanage or something?<em> Leo frowned, and clutched Anima closer to his chest. He didn't care what it was called. They had tried to take Anima away from him, and that was all that mattered. Of course he didn't let them, going as far as biting one of the mean old hags, who then said something nasty that dad used to say when he accidentally burned his hand at the forge.

Leo sighed. He glanced down at Anima, who frowned at him with mom's amber eyes and smiled, closing his eyes and falling asleep.

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><p>Yeah, being a baby wasn't fun. I couldn't ask for help on anything—not that I would be able to, not with the strange mesh of European languages they spoke here. I especially hated the part where I'm not party trained. Frowning, I stared at the boy above me. He had shaggy black hair—not unlike my own—and green eyes with a round face.<p>

If it was annoying for me, I wondered how annoying it was for the people who had to clean me up. Poor mom, I can't believe I did this all the time when—

Mom. _Mom._

Holy crap. I'm such a horrible daughter. Why did I not think of this sooner? Oh my god. Oh my freaking god. I f-ing _died_. I died and I left her all alone, without even saying goodbye, and I didn't even think about her. What the hell is wrong with me?

I began to wail, immediately waking up the boy, who panicked and tried to calm me down. His panicked shouts had attracted the matron, and the old hag came and grabbed me before stalking off to who knows where. During this all I could think was how my mom must be feeling, if she was still alive, and if she could ever forgive me for leaving her, and how I should be punished in the most gruesome ways for forgetting _my own mother_.

_No... not your mom anymore_, a traitorous voice whispered in the depths of my mind. _You won't ever be her daughter again._

The boy, surprised that the matron had managed to take me away, leapt up with a startled cry and charged the her, who then sighed in annoyance before turning around and kicking him. Stunned, he fell back. The matron bark out some words out before leaving. Well. To make matters worse, I seemed to have been born in an era where child abuse was fine. Not that I cared, I _deserved_ the abuse.

After feeding me and changing my diaper (ugh), she returned me to the boy. Who glared at her and shut the door behind him.

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><p>Life never stops for anyone, and so my life continued, the same things repeating over and over. Sleep, eat, sleep, wail, get a change of diapers, sleep, play, sleep, sleep, <em>sleep<em>.

I hated it. I was going insane with the lack of things to do. So, naturally, the moment I could walk, I was escaping the gazes of the adults and running away for a day. It was really hard for the first year but the boy, my brother Leo, started helping to in an attempt to antagonize the old hag.

Despite all of our efforts, we could never get far from the orphanage until I was four.

I wish I never succeeded.

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><p>Leo had brought me out of the orphanage in the middle of the night for my birthday, give me a piggyback ride.<p>

"Big bro, where are we going?" I asked, my voice almost painfully high pitched. I'm surprised that anyone talked to me at all with my voice that high.

He turned to look at me and winked before looking back at the path.

"The Walls. We're going to see the Walls."

That sounded familiar. Walls. Where did I hear that before? Was it in this life, or was it from back then?

So naturally when I saw the looming form of Wall Maria, I was given a nasty surprise. No really. I'm pretty sure my heart had stopped.

Leo stopped and pointed at the Wall, "That's Wall Maria," His eyes were gleaming with excitement. I bet some book told him about how the Walls were insurmountable, and, being the ignorant boy he was, he believed it. "It protects humanity from Titans."

I wish I was ignorant.

From there, I had acted really happy, awed by Wall Maria, but Leo probably saw through it and we returned earlier than he had planned. He's good at reading people, especially me.

Once I was back in the safety of the orphanage, I walked to the Girls' Dormitories, past the seven year old sisters playing with dolls—creepy little things, I could never understand why anyone liked them—straight to my shared room before jumping in the closet and screaming into a spare pillow.

_Why?_

Why, of all animes that existed did I have to be born in the one with the highest chance with Leo and I dying? Why did it have to be the anime where people were devoured brutally by Titans? Why did I have to be born so close to Wall Maria in the year 835 - and, even worse, the southern part of the Wall?

. . .

_Why did I have to be born in a world ruled by Titans?_

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><p><strong>And another chapter! Thank you Wolfhunter107 and Lozwithasideofcheese for reviewing!<strong>

**And yes, I'm assuming that Shiganshina is at the Southern part of the Walls.**


	3. Prologue - Run

**Warnings: Implied abuse, and a small amount of swearing.**

**Beta: The awesome Yuinoshi**

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><p>.<p>

**Chapter III**

**Prologue - Run**

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I stayed in the closet throughout the rest of the night and a bit into the afternoon before being dragged out, kicking and screaming by the matron, who demanded why I had locked myself in the closet. Apparently, I was disturbing the other girls with my incessant crying.

I tried to warn them peacefully, but they just wouldn't listen, so I blew up. I started screaming out all of my frustrations to her, telling them that the Titans were going to break the Walls soon. I started describing the horrors the Titans would do to humanity, scaring everyone in the room with my morbid descriptions.

Enraged, the matron grabbed a fistful of my hair and dragged me to her office. I desperately tried to grab for something, _anything_ to delay my trip. I knew what would happen happen if you entered her office. I, of course, failed.

What happened afterwards wasn't pleasant, to say the least.

Later in the day, a little after the other orphans have eaten dinner, I met up with Leo, who was worried about me, when he didn't see me at dinner.

"Anima, what happened!?" Leo exclaimed, running over and assessing my injuries.

"I said something stupid," I replied, looking down in shame. Honestly, what was I thinking? Just because I was stressed (all of it is real_whyisitallrealweareallgoingtodieDieDIE_—) was no excuse for waltzing into the lives of these people and stating, without any sort of evidence, that the walls would be breached. And until the event actually happened, it would be quite hard for people to think that everyone would die (devoured, _forgotten_) because of it, especially after the Walls protected humanity for so long. Did I really expect them to believe me? After all, not everybody was willing to believe that the Walls would fall, no matter how correct it was.

Knowing that Leo would want more explanations, I elaborated, "I yelled at her stating that the Walls would eventually break and that we'd all be devoured. Of course, the old hag dragged me off to her office afterwards."

Leo expressions transitioned from surprisement to anger. Being the type of brother he was, it wasn't unpredictable. I waited patiently for the inevitable yelling I'd receive.

What I didn't expect was to be embraced in a hug.

"Come here at midnight. Bring whatever you want to keep." Leo whispered.

Huh?

I looked at him in confusion before nodding. I trusted him, after all, he's never let me down before, and I was certain that he wasn't going to start any time soon. He was _Leo_, and that was all I needed to know.

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><p>The moon was unusually bright that night, illuminating the path thus a torch was unneeded. I waited at our usual spot, which was the small garden near the edge of the city. My shoulder-length hair was tied up in a ponytail, amber eyes gleaming. I was hidden in a thick cloak which was suited for the upcoming winter. A small satchel hung on my back with a worned-out stuffed animal kitten that was missing an eye, some food, a drawing book and a pencil I took from the matron.<p>

Leo's arrival was signified by the crunches of dead grass from behind me. He was currently ten, with the same messy black hair and green eyes he had a few years ago, although his face was slightly thinner.

"So what're we going to do big bro?" I asked. He suddenly grinned at me before reverting back to his serious expression.

"We're running away."

I stared at him.

He stared back.

"What?" Was he serious? I mean, I didn't want to stay at the orphanage, but we didn't really have anywhere else to go.

"Don't worry, I've been planning this for a while."

I was once again surprised by how mature Leo was, after all, many children would be content just staying at the orphanage. They were usually uncaring of anything outside it and never wanting, or planning, to run away even if they were treated poorly. It was quite a bit for a ten year old by my standards, and was I saddened to know that he was only one of many children that was forced to grow up so quickly. I'm just glad that the worst this world had to offer hadn't hit us yet.

_Bad Anima! Don't go around jinxing people!_

"So, what's this glorious plan of yours?"

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><p>I groaned into the cloth my face was buried in. Remember what I said about Leo being mature? Yeah, I lied. Turns out he's using a completely unoriginal plan that he got out of a picture book. He probably just wanted to be like the hero in the book. Said book was about a princess who had felt trapped in the tower she lived in, so her friend, a grand warrior, had snuck her away disguised in a carriage and they escaped because of drunk soldiers. A crappy book if you ask me, but what can I say?<p>

Anyways, the plan was nearly the same. During the night, we would sneak onto a carriage, and, taking advantage of our small size, we would hide in the small, cramped baskets, that were less likely to be checked, which lead to my current predicament. You see, Leo, being the slightly overprotective brother he was, had thought that it would be nice if I hid in a the more comfortable basket with clothing on the inside (which I'm grateful for) _however_, Leo didn't take into account that the wagon might pick up someone else for a sum. Said person was currently leaning against the basket I was in, as I could smell his rancid breath with my sensitive nose, plus, it seemed like he had never touched a bath in his life. It was disgusting and I thought my nose was going to shrivel up and die. And I had to stay like this until we get to our destination, and I still have no idea where we're going.

Luckily for me, last night Leo had told me we had less than a day left until our destination if he was correct.

"We're almost there!" The driver, a merchant, called back. He was no doubt happy that the disgusting man leaning against my basket would finally be gone. I briefly wondered how much money the man had to pay the merchant to get a ride before dismissing it. I made an inaudible sigh in relief. I could finally get out of this cramped position and away from that god-awful breath.

And so I waited. And waited. And wait—

Suddenly, I heard laughter. Ugh, is that smell alcohol? I squirmed uncomfortably. The clanking of metal filled the air. Was that a gate? I felt hope rise inside my chest. Are we going to Trost? I smiled, leaning back in the basket. We're in Trost, far away from titans for now. I wonder if we could get into Wall Rose, or, even better, Wall Sina? Call me selfish for completely disregarding the lives of so many people that I could've saved with my knowledge and I'd agree with you. After all, I only care about Leo and myself.

I've always been selfish in both lives, only caring about my family and friends, disregarding everyone and everything else, not caring if they lived or died. Or was that new? I've slowly been losing the memories of my old life, forgetting names and faces. Luckily, I've seemed to retain the information on SnK, allowing me to know what to avoid if I wanted to live a somewhat peaceful life.

The cart pulled to a stop, jolting me out of my thoughts. I felt the pressure against my basket leave, signifying that the guy leaning against my basket left, and, after a bit of time, I heard Leo's voice.

"You can get out now."

Pushing the lid off my basket, I clamoured out and stretched, taking note of Leo's slightly bigger satchel. Did he steal stuff from the merchant?

"So, are we in Trost? Can we go to Wall Rose? Or even better, Wall Sina?" I said excitedly, amber eyes wide with barely contained joy. Leo gave me an odd look.

"Who said we're in Trost?" I froze. Please, please don't say what I think your going to say, please, please, _PLEASE!_

"We're in Shiganshina." Well fuck. It seems I'm going to die young. Damn.

"O-Oh…," I gave a nervous laugh, rubbing the back of my neck, a habit left-over from my old life, "My bad."

"Well, follow me," He gave a full-blown grin, a expression I've never seen before, and pulled me alongside him. Then it hit me. I was out of that orphanage and I was with Leo in a new place with new a new life, and despite the looming threat of titans, I couldn't help but smile along with Leo.


	4. Prologue - Beginnings

**Warnings: Swearing**

**Beta: Yuinoshi**

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><p>.<p>

**Chapter IV**

**Prologue - Beginnings**

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"Get back here, thief!" A bearded merchant with a prodigious belly yelled, attempting to chase the small cloaked figure.

Said figure was me. Grinning, I turned around for a second and flipped him off, though I'm not sure if it meant anything here. If his squawk of indignation were any indication, it still meant something. Yay.

The year was 840, a year since Leo and I ran away from the orphanage. We had no money, no place to live, and we weren't about to go to another orphanage, if there even was one in overpopulated district of Shiganshina. In order to survive, we learned how to steal from merchants and shopkeepers.

Grinning, I prepared to make a sharp turn into an alley, barely able to contain-

My blood froze. _No..._

_She_ had just finished conversing with another women, and stumbling back when I bumped into her in shock, dropping my stolen bread. Her questioning gold-brown eyes flickered over to me.

It was _her_. Eren's mother. She died, didn't she. I knew that I should save her, because I _could_, but her death had too much meaning, was too important. Without her death, Eren wouldn't be motivated to kill all of the Titans.

I couldn't take that away from humanity.

...

...Who am I to decide whether or not someone _dies_. This isn't some game where there's a reset button that you can just press whenever you make a mistake. These are _real_ people, with _real_ lives and other people who would've given _anything_ to have the knowledge I had to try to save their loved ones.

"Are you alright?" Her voice was... motherly. She reached out a hand to help me up, and my heart stopped beating.

I've never been more terrified, because in that moment of time, everything around me froze and grew cold_coldCOLD_. Despite the looming Walls that always hung above me, somewhere, somehow, I still held onto the small, flickering hope that none of this was real and that Titans didn't exist. Perhaps, maybe, no one would be sacrificed, and no one would be killed. Finally, it had clicked that she was real. _They_ were real. They were real and _so many_ would die.

Panicking, I backed up into an alley, tripping over a crate as I went. The merchants angry screams jolted me back into action, and I _ran_, barely able to keep my hold on the bread I had briefly stopped to pick up as I mindlessly fled, feeling her gaze on my back.

_Five more years..._

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><p>"I'm thinking about enlisting in the army," Leo carelessly stated.<p>

A cold wind blew through our hideout at the edge of the town.

"Wait, what?" I said. He flicked my forehead in response.

The year was 842. Leo was thirteen and was quite a bit taller, his shaggy hair slightly longer and his face had also become thinner. He was wearing a simple dirty long-sleeved shirt along with pants he'd stolen.

I myself haven't grown all that much. Unfortunately for me, I seemed to have retained my extreme shortness from my previous life (though I may be shorter because of my malnourishment. I don't remember), and kept my long hair in a braid. I wore similar clothes to Leo, but retained my hooded cloak.

We were both too thin to be healthy, simply because we could never steal enough food without attracting attention from authority.

"Don't worry, I'm aiming for the Military Police to get us a better life in the capital," He said, and adopted a dreamy look. "Imagine all the food they must have over there..."

I glanced at him, stomach growling slightly at the prospect of food. "As long as you're going for the MP," I frowned as a unbidden thought drifted into my head, "But are they even going to allow you to enlist? After all, we have no money and we're thieves. Can you even read?"

He shrugged and looked down, a flicker of sadness washing over his face. "When they were alive, dad and mom had taught me how to read."

I glanced at him, and couldn't help but feel guilty. I knew it wasn't my fault, but even then, I couldn't help but wonder if Leo would've been living a great life with his—_our_ parents, never running out of food, never having to worry about when the next meal was and how to get it had I not been born.

"And if I have to lie and steal to get into the military, then I will. It's not like we haven't done that before," It was true, we have lied before. We've also assaulted and stolen from people, and if Leo didn't manage to get into the MP, I would continue doing for the rest of my life.

_Unless… Unless I also joined the army. But do I really want to do that? If I joined, chances are I'd be in the 104th Trainee Squad, and I'd be fighting in Trost, dying in Trost. I'd die in Trost, devoured by a titan, forgotten, just a pawn for the superiors to throw away. Even if I somehow was good enough to make it into the MP, I'll still be doing thing I'd hate to be doing, and I'll probably just die later on..._

Should I let him... Or should I not? If he does go, he'll get out of Shiganshina—

Well. Its decided.

"Fine," I turned to glare (pout) at him, hidden fists clenched by my sides, "But if you don't get into the MP, I'll kick your ass, tie you to a trunk and make sure to eat a lot of food right in front of you afterwards and listen to your glorious howls of hunger." He gave me an odd look that looked sort of like a cross between amusement, confusement and pain.

Leo would leave, but he would be safe. We would be safe.

A few days later, Leo and I were at the gate to Wall Maria. A cloudy sky spread above us, heavy with rain. We had spent the last few days stealing more than usual to prepare Leo for his journey to one of the many Trainee Squad Divisions after signing up.

"You'll write back, right?" I unessesarily asked looking up him, worried that he somehow forget about me in the chaos to come.

"Of course! So long as you remember to respond," He waved at me and left, and I just stared at his back, slowly growing smaller as it left with the other trainees from Shiganshina. I stood there long after he vanished from sight, and continued standing there after it started raining despite being drenched. I wonder why I had this incredibly bad feeling. I knew that he would get into the top ten and into the MP, he was good enough, that was for sure...

And yet… Why was I so completely and utterly gripped by fear?

There was no one to answer me but the cold, endless water that fell from its perch in the sky.

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><p><strong>Another chapter up and posted :)<strong>

**Sorry that this update came so late. I have no excuse other than that I'm a procrastinating bitch.**

**Thank you Lozwithasideofcheese and KosmikQuixotic for reviewing!**


	5. Interlude I - Leo

**Warnings: Swearing**

**Beta: Yuinoshi**

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><p>Leo gulped, sweat dripping down his neck, his spine straight in apprehension. It was his first day in the encampment. The day itself wasn't all that hot, the sky was almost clear aside from random clouds that lazily made its way across the sky. His division was unfortunate enough to have a guest on the first day.<p>

To be more specific, Keith Shadis, the commander of the Survey Corps was visiting. What were the chances?

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!" Leo barely managed to suppress a wince at the loud volume, absent-mindedly noting the squeak that came from the other ginger-haired trainee. What was her name again? Patre Ril? Petra Ral?

_Well, whatever._ He glanced at the sky, watching a lazy cloud drift by. _I wonder how Anima's doing without me…_

Lost in his thoughts, Leo didn't notice Shadis stalk over to his his position, annoyed by the fact that he wasn't paying attention and that his salute was slipping, until his shadow loomed over his body with all of its imposing nature.

"YOU! WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" Shadis yelled, glaring down at him.

"Ah—L-Leo from Shiganshina!" Leo stuttered, surprised at his sudden arrival.

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU! SPEAK LOUDER!"

"L-LEO FROM SHIGANSHINA!"

"I STILL CAN'T HEAR YOU, PUNK!"

"LEO, FROM THE SHIGANSHINA DISTRICT—"

Abruptedly, Shadis punched Leo in the face, knocking him onto his back. "WHO THE FUCK SAID YOU COULD LIE DOWN! STAND BACK UP YOU LITTLE SHIT!"

Standing up and saluting once more, Leo breath out a silent sigh of relief when he saw Shadis moving onto another trainee, mentally wincing at the pain the punch had left. _That's definitely going to bruise._

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><p>Leo sat at the dinner table, marveling at the overabundance of food everywhere, mouth dripping with saliva, his eyes wide with delight. Seconds later, his hands reached out to snap the food from his plate. He immediately began shoving food down his throat, not a single crumb wasted. He was unmindful of his tablemates who could only stare on in horror and fascination at the way he ate.<p>

"Say," Leo said, swallowing some bread, "If you're not going to eat your food, then can I have it?"

Breaking out of whatever trance his tablemates were in, they started to dig into their food, muttering about how the bread was stale and the soup was flavorless, causing Leo to give them an odd look as it tasted perfectly fine to him.

"Say, why did you join the army? I don't think that guy asked you." The boy sitting next to him asked, swallowing a mouthful of soup. He had straight, dark brown hair and bright blue eyes with a roundish face. He had come from the Karanese District with the intention of joining the Scouting Legion to help free humanity.

Mouth full of food, Leo answered with surprising clarity, "To join the Military Police."

Sighing the other boy looked down and muttered something about no one else wanting to join the Scouting Legion before gnawing on the piece of meat that was there.

"What?" Leo asked.

"I was just wondering why no one else wants to join the Scouting Legion. I mean, sure, the death rate is high, but at least we would be doing something with our lives!" The boy angrily looked down. Some of the other trainees had stopped eating to stare at him. "As it is right now, we aren't even living! The days go by, and no one does anything, content to just die within these Walls like animals! Doesn't anyone else think about how much territory we lost to the Titans? Doesn't anybody want to know what's out there?"

Everyone had stopped talking, and were openly staring at the boy now.

Leo pushed his empty plate away from him, "Well, if you put it that way, I probably would have joined the Scouting Legion," The other boy looked at him in excitement, thinking that he had managed to convince someone else to join with him. Leo felt guilty about taking that hope away from him, and considered just not saying anything, before dismissing the thought. "... but I had already promised my sister to get into the Military Police. Sorry..."

The other boy shrugged before turning to his food once more. "Well, its fine, I guess, seeing how you made a promise. If you ever decide to change your mind, tell me. My name's Nick Kaufmann."

"I'm Leo." As if a switch had been flipped, the conversations were resumed, and Leo left the room.

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><p>It was late at night, and Leo just couldn't sleep. He let out a sigh while getting off his bunk, that he shared with Nick. He walked over to the window after getting a piece of paper pencil from his jacket, the floor barely creaked from under his feet as he crept to the window.<p>

Frowning, he wondered what to write about. After sitting there for a few minutes, he began to write beneath the moonlight, a small draft blowing by through the slightly opened window. After checking it over a few times and editing it slightly in some parts with the little knowledge in writing he had, he nodded and resolved to send it tomorrow.

He carefully put both the piece of paper and the pencil back into his jacket before creeping back into his bed and snuggled into it, enjoying the feeling of having one once more.

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><p><em>Dear Anima,<em>

_Today sucked. Our division was unlucky enough to get a guest on the first day. The guest was the current commander of the Scouting Legion, Keith Shadis. I hope you never have to meet him ;)_

_I met a guy who wanted to get into the Scouting Legion. He's kinda weird, but seems to be a cool guy!_

_Tomorrow, we are doing the first test to decide whether or not we could use the 3DMGs. I bet I'm going to fail (p_q)_

_How are you holding up without me?_

_-Leo_

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><p><strong>Ah, yes. Good old Shadis. I couldn't resist having him there, but for him to be there, I had to make it slightly unrealistic and have him be a guest on the first day, seeing how he leaves the Scouting Legion sometime between the year 845 and 847 (remember the Scouting Legion commander in episode one that broke down? Yeah, I checked the wiki and it turns out that that was Shadis… Am I the only one who didn't know that? xD)<strong>

**Thanks to all the people who followed and added my story to their favorites list!**

**Before I forget, I made art for this story of Anima! The link is on my profile, so when you have the time check it out ;) **


	6. The Fall - Realizations

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing :(**

**Warnings: Uh... Death and swearing.**

**Beta: Yuinoshi**

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><p><em>"Ah..."<em>

_It was so dark. Why was it so dark?_

_I was in one of Wall Maria's giant forests, and the sun had almost set. The trees pressed down on me, their shadows loomed over the world. The chilling wind howled, sending chills up my spine. My squad had been slaughtered long ago, every last one of them devoured by the titans during a storm that provided little to no visibility. My horse had been killed when a Titan had slipped on it, and I had barely managed to escape with my life. However, I ran out of gas barely five minutes after I made it into one of the forests around here. From then on, I knew I had to abandon my Gear, for it was practically useless without gas._

_Tears welled up in my eyes. Why was it so dusty here? I quickly rubbed them away, pulling the hood my Scouting Legion uniform over my head. I had lost track on how long I had been running, and the only thing that kept me running was willpower, fearing what would happen if I stopped._

_Why did I still hold onto the hope that one of my comrades would come for me? I already knew that the rest of the Legion had left, probably deeming me dead long before now. The only chance I had to survive was to make it back to the Wall on foot._

_I would make it back no matter how impossible it seemed. I had people waiting for me, after all._

CRACK!

_Despite how much I didn't want to stop, how much I wanted to keep moving, how much I needed to keep moving, I didn't. I froze._

No...

_A 10-meter class Titan stepped out from behind one of the many trees. Its face was pulled up in a wide, unnatural grin, and despite all of the times I had seen it before, I was once again terrified by its huge, empty eyes that showed nothing but an endless hunger. It barely had any hair on its pale head, and its teeth were yellow and sharp, each one of them more than half of my body length._

Why...?

_I whimpered, falling back onto the ground as fear started squeezing my insides. Turning, I did the only thing I could do, the only thing I could do..._

Run.

_But it was impossible for a human to outrun a Titan, no matter how much they wanted to survive. All it took was for the hideous Titan to stumble out from behind the tree, and I was in grabbing distance. And I would die, devoured like so many others._

_Time seemed to slow down, letting my eyes take everything in. I saw the steaming hand descend down, and I scream at my body to move, to run, to do anything. But I couldn't move, even as I stared death in the eye once more._

_I felt an impossible force take my from the ground, knocking the wind out of me as it squeezed. A sharp pain erupted from my chest as some of my ribs broke from its harsh, burning grip. The Titan held me up by its face, its brown eyes staring straight into my own horrified amber ones as it slowly opened its mouth, rancid air spilling out. I opened my mouth to scream, but nothing came out. I couldn't do anything as I gazed upon the gaping mouth in front of me._

_Nothing at all._

_Hot tears escaped my eyes as I fully grasped the hopelessness of my situation. Why… _Why can't I ever do anything?_ Now I'm going to die, forgotten and all alone. No one's going to know. I didn't even get to help humanities cause. This was it. No more lives, no more chances. I couldn't even save anyone!_

_Tilting my head to the sky, I let out a hopeless, desperate and angry cry that sent the birds flying from the trees into the endless sky. Why am I so USELESS!_

_The Titan bit down, ripping my body in half as blood decorated the ground below, the halves of my body falling downdowndown, forgotten by everyone and everything..._

...

I woke up, screaming my head off, arms reaching out for anything to prove that I was still here, that I didn't die, forsaken and alone.

"Oof."

And I fell on the floor in horror, staring up at the ceiling, uncomprehending of my surroundings. Panting, I sat up, using the wall to help me stand. My legs were like jelly, and I could see nothing in front of me.

What was that nightmare... What was it about again?

Frowning, I got up and ignored the pitiful mewl of hunger my stomach gave as adrenaline pumped through me. I jumped when at the sound behind me, turning around only to find a small rat. My stomach growled again, this time louder.

"Shut up!" I said, agitated. ...Oh dear, it looks like I've had too little human contact as of late.

Standing up, I brushed off some dirt before heading outside, and began my trek to the alleyways of Shiganshina. The sun beat down on my back, making me feel naked without the cloak that I grew out of. Maybe I should steal another one?

Sighing, I came out of my alley and into the open _crowded_ streets of Shiganshina. It was midday, and the streets were bursting with activity. Rich merchants were screaming about their wares, keeping a close eye out for the occasional thieving street urchins. People were everywhere, pushing others and gossiping about mundane things, occasionally talking about the recent failed expedition Outside the Walls and complaining about small things that just _didn't matter_.

The year was 843, two years before when I remembered the Fall to be. Life was dull without Big Bro, despite the fact that we constantly wrote to each other, and absolutely nothing ever changed. I woke up, I stole, I ate, I stole, I reread Leo's letters, I sent my own, I stole, I went to sleep. Repeat.

I hated it and loved it at the same time. There was nothing to live for, yet I wanted to live_ so bad_. I didn't want to be forgotten, yet I was too afraid to do anything. I wanted to be useful, but I had _no resolve_. Why should I? Big Bro was going to be safe with me, deep inside Wall Sina, waiting for the day Humanity is freed.

And I would do absolutely nothing to help humanity.

Losing a bit of control, I punched a wall, immediately pulling my hand back in pain. What am I suppose to do? Why should I help? How many lives would I save? How many more would I kill? I huffed in frustration, and ran away from the problem. I would deal with it later.

I always did.

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><p>The clouds swirled in the sky, a whirlpool of murky smoke that emptied their contents down below. I was running through the many alleyways of Shiganshina, clutching my new cloak closer to my body in a pitiful attempt to stay warm. My breaths were coming in a short gasps as I desperately tried to see through the heavy rainfall that covered the dusk sky. My hands had long since gone numb to the cold, and the only thing I could think of doing was running.<p>

_I'm such an idiot._ Cursing, I ducked into an alleyway, hiding inside of a tight crate. _How could I have been so idiotic?_

Not even two hours before, I had stolen some food from the Garrison soldiers. With my continued successes in thefts, I had become arrogant and thought that I could get away with anything.

I was such a fool.

One of the only sober soldiers had caught me stealing from them before I could even leave the building. The only plus was that I had enough foresight to keep my hood on, but that wouldn't matter if I was caught. Turns out, many people have been reporting me for stealing. It made sense after all, because in recent times, I had become bolder with my thefts, going out in public and making an obvious steal for the chase. Why should it matter if I was caught? It wasn't like anyone cared. This life had no meaning to it, and I wasn't going to benefit humanity at all, constantly hiding behind these cramped Walls like I was.

Being cooped up for so long, doing the same things with no variety had finally gotten to my head.

_How could I just not care?_ It wasn't until I was staring straight at the truth, that I would get caught, that I wouldn't get to do anything, that _I wouldn't get to see Big Bro ever again_, that I finally realized that I _didn't want to die_ no matter how _meaningless_ my life actually was.

The realization was like a slap in the face, and it was what got me moving, allowing me to barely escape. It was the only thing that kept me running and gave me the will to try to hide.

Footsteps echoed loudly on the cobblestone, and I pressed down harder against the side of the box, as if it would swallow me up if I tried hard enough. I covered my mouth with my hand to prevent me from breathing loudly, and I tried not to whimper when I heard the voices echoing through the alleyway. They bounced off the walls and created a cacophony of sound that grated against my ears. _This box is dusty,_ I thought when I felt water fill my eyes.

The sounds moved on but I didn't dare relax.

I didn't know how long I lay there in the dark, waiting for something to happen, but not knowing exactly what. I was too terrified to sleep, and and when I finally emerged from the crate, I abandoned my black cloak in the crate, and trudged out under the looming dawn shadow the wall cast, rubbing my eyes with the sudden pain that came from the bright light. The air was fresh and crisp. I vaguely recalled foul smelling air from all too long ago, and quickly dismissed it, choosing instead to bask in the slightly warm morning.

_Big bro would have been so disappointed…_

I sighed, ignoring my stomachs loud grumble of hunger. After stealing so much, I had grown accustomed to more food and a full stomach each night, which would be annoying seeing how I was going to have to be extremely careful from now on and would have to go hungry for some days. I trudged onwards, ignoring the odd looks I got from the many early risers. I didn't blame them, after all, I was probably covered in scratches, had slightly torn and dirty clothes and likely had my hair turned into an even messier piece of crap from the previous night's events.

Stumbling, my body, which was half-starved, sleep-deprived and had to run from fucking 3DMGs for more than an hour straight, finally collapsed against a house in one of the less populated areas of the town, near Wall Maria.

I didn't notice someone walk out of the door, only to stop in surprise before bringing me inside the house, nor did I notice how I was being cared for by these strangers.

The only thing I knew is that when I finally came to, I found myself staring straight into the bright blue eyes of Armin Arlert.

_FUCK!_

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><p><strong>Its official. I am the worst writer in the world. <strong>

**Aside from the fact that I lost most of my plans for this story when someone stole my phone, I kept on procrastination, which caused this MONTH late update.**

**Once again, I'm SO sorry. ;-;**

**Moving on, do you guys prefer Big Bro/Big Sis or Nii-san/Nee-san? Depending on what you like better, I might change it.**

**Pointless Fact about Anima: Her favorite colors are green and yellow.**


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